October 29th, 2009 Friday 1.30am
Tbilisi, Georgia
So Vision and Faith either collide, or merge as Intention. My Intention, to unfurl further as Life loving
Itself, facing Doubt.
But as we know, Doubt can only strengthen one’s Desire, or show it to have been a weak moment at best.
What have I gained? What did I experience as Love?
I came. I saw. I surrendered.
September 20th, 2009 Sunday 11.13am
I wasn’t surprised, yet I wasn’t very pleased to recognize you. I felt you from across the room, pulling my gaze, my very Breath. Silent. Watching me from hooded eyes. Waiting.
And then I allowed. I allowed my Heart to yearn. To yearn for your Life within Mine. I allowed myself to become visible to you. All of me, available. I surrendered to Desire.
I surrendered to Loving, to Soft, to Yielding, to Warm and Spacious, to Open and Dreamy… I surrendered to
You. Now I wait. I wait to recognize your surrender. To feel you raw and alive at my side. Unencumbered by thought or conditioning. Alone with your Love for me, as
I am in mine, for You…
September 16th, 2009 Wednesday 6.32pm
Why am I afraid to call Love a Man? Why am I willing to embrace all Life, all Creation, Friends, Family, yet I hesitate in reaching for, not another, but a Man.
A Man for Me.
What is it within my bones that rebels, strikes out, stands back firm and unyielding? Why can I accept,
have I been lying all along, Love from everyone? How is it that I so willingly seek and am sought by others?
Yet the very sensing that some, one Man, might be truly interested in me is appalling. I see only their physical beauty ~~~ or lack of. Even money, power, prestige is unable to lure me.
I can feel the shadow of immobility attempting to snare me. I hear the soft breath of “caught” on my neck.
I begin to imagine the bars of the cage sliding into place,
one by one, so cautiously, so surreptitiously. Holding tight and steady, like the Warriors of old.
I long with all my Heart to fall madly, passionate, tremblingly into Love. But it is not the Love these others offer me…
The Love these mortal Men offer, is Mortal Love. I remember more. I remember Rapture. I remember longing and yearning, and its quenching. Quenched by the Love of the Divine. God’s Love.
I am living within the echo of my own beating heart.
Does the one exist, who can take me… Does The One exist? The One that can stride boldly into my Life and demand my surrender? One who willingly, will accompany me into Ecstasy? Can there be such a One, for me?
I do not want the Love of a Man. I desire to be Desired, and only God can fulfill that for me. Does the Man walk this Earth, that longs in return, for complete submission through Passion?
Where Silence is the Song sung throughout the Love making. Where my Body is enjoyed, is sought and savored, all the while giving praise to God for such abundant Blessings.
Where I am beseeched to plunge into the Darkness of Self, seeking our Light. Does he exist? This One, that will turn me inside out, like pulling off a glove?
Are you about? Do you remember, Me? I don’t want to be Loved. I want to be devoured… Love. What use have I for Love? I Am, Love. I need the pressure of Ardor squeezing me until I can’t breathe.
I want to fall into quiet surrender from the sheer bliss your presence. I yearn to be held once again by force, by
the strength of a Man, a Man remembering, that God mounts me.
August 29th, 2009 Saturday 11.49pm
Disciplined enough to Allow. To be disciplined, to the point, of being able to Surrender…
August 20th, 2009 Thursday 8.25pm
Okay. I give. I surrender the last of my “very real” limitations. I desire with all my Heart and Soul to find connection, communication, laughter, comfort, and God as a Man.
I am not lonely, but I desire to be held, caressed, admired. I desire to be enveloped by the touch of the Masculine. I am open to Love in the form of Relationship.
Come to Me, My Love. I am entreating your Embrace.
It feels akin to expectancy. I am not lonely, I am hushed, listening, awaiting. Not waiting. I long with excitement.
My Body craves contact.